What type of help is available for men who are abusive?

We believe that the best type of help for men who are abusive toward their partners is a group-work behaviour-change programme (also known as domestic violence perpetrator programmes or domestic violence prevention programmes).

These are designed to help abusive men stop being violent and abusive and learn how to relate to their partners in a respectful and equal way. They run for several weeks and they meet once a week for about two and a half hours in the evening.

There are many different programmes across the UK, and the content will vary, but on the whole they will cover these issues:
· What is violence and abuse?
· Understanding why I'm violent
· Learning that I am in control of my own behaviour and can choose not to be violent.
· Taking responsibility for my behaviour, without blaming others or minimising it.
· Understanding the impact of violence and abuse on my partner and children.
· Learning how to notice when I am becoming abusive and how to stop.
· Learning different, non-abusive ways of dealing with difficulties in my relationship.
· Dealing non-abusively with my partner's anger.
· Recognising how I get wound up and learning how to wind myself down.
· Negotiation and listening- how to build a respectful relationship.
· Some groups are discussion based, but most use a variety of interactive exercises to make the learning realistic, stimulating and relevant to men's own situations.

Every perpetrator programme should have an attached service for partners offering information and support. In fact, a perpetrator programme without such a service for the woman who was suffered the abuse is likely to increase the risks towards her rather than promote her safety.

If your partner wants to find out if such a programme is available locally he can ring the Respect Phoneline 0845 122 8609 or you can ring us yourself if you prefer. In the meantime it is important to take care of yourself and think about your own needs. You will find different sources of help and support listed in our website pages.